June 11, 2013
It isn't easy when
a person has no motivation to move forward. It is even harder when a
person have no motivation to use the talents that he or she has.
My
heart hasn't been very motivated. I have been motivated to start
the 30 day Squat challenge. Currently I am on day 7 and I did 80
squats.
Boy, did I feel the burn this morning! I wrote a poem
as well.
It is a nice first after so many months. So I have
been inspired and motivated a little bit. Sometimes a bit of
motivation can be creepy.
Really creepy. It is a weird little
story, I might work into one of my novels.
Maybe.
Anyway, Friday I
came home from watching a movie. I watched “Now you see me” which
was very, very inspiring. I loved it.
I can't wait for it to come
on DVD now. Well, I came home with a huge box on my deck. It was
addressed to Emma, and from Ami. I spent an hour or so trying to
find out where the box was suppose to go to. One neighbor suggested
that I call the sheriff, but her daughter suggested that I put it in
the trunk of my car, and wait for the Ami person to come and pick it
up once she realized that it was in the wrong space. So that is what
I did. And it wasn't until late at night, when I was half asleep,
that my mind floated to one of my unfinished novels.
My mind
wanders like that. The Enchanted Key. I had a major character of
about 14 years old named Emma.
Actually it was Emmeretta, but she
doesn't like her full name, so she goes by Emma. Then I
remembered that Emma called her Grandmother “Ami”.
A special
thing is that Emma had an Ami and an Adda instead of a Grandmother
and a Grandfather. So, I laid in bed, wondering. I knew that I
had shared a tidbit of the Enchanted Key with only one person over a
month ago. It was a Christian friend I had met over a month ago. And
he didn't know where I lived.
Creepy. He had been pestering
me for a date, but my heart wasn't in it.
I still want the Cowboy.
I was happy with just having a friend. Anyway, I went to sleep
thinking about it.
Here comes the creepy part.
When I woke up, I
had 5 messages from Christian guy on my phone. And one of them was a quote
from my own novel.
So it wasn't Amy with an “I” but from Ami
(pronounced Ahmi). I asked him if he knew where I lived. He
didn't answer that. I asked him if he knew about the box that I had
received yesterday. Of course, I never mentioned it to him, because I
didn't think it was his business. He asked me if the item in the box
was anything close to what I wrote about. I had wrote about a horse
lamp on Ami's dresser. I told him I didn't open the box, because it
wasn't for me. I thought it was for a person named Emma.
Creepy, because
I never gave him my address. I found out that he took upon
himself to look my address online with the information he DID have
about me. Beyond creepy. SCARY. Anyway, I did go out to my
trunk Saturday morning and looked in the box. It was an antique brass
horse lamp with a clock and a lamp. He definitely took the time to
think about this. And GET a horse lamp. Chills. It wasn't what I
wrote about, because the brass horse lamp that I wrote about now sits
on my Uncle's desk. It was some award he received as a child. I
yelled at him so many times regarding violating my privacy and trust.
I don't think it registered much. He didn't seem to
understand why I was so upset. He only wanted to make me smile. GAH!
He total creeped me out! I told him to ask his pastor, his sister and
his friends if his actions were nothing but creepy.
So this antique
brass horse lamp sits idly in the trunk of my car and has sucked out
any motivation that I had on working on that novel for a while.
A
long while. I haven't spoke to him. I sent him a long email about
how wrong he was. I don't know if he will see it as wrong.
Funny
thing, is that he just sent me a email, to tell me that his phone is
dead. It got run over. I wonder if it is Karma at work.
Ha
ha ha. I told my neighbor on Saturday who the box was for.
It
was awkward to say “It was for me.” I had to explain about
Emma and Ami. Her daughter asked me if I had published any of my
novels.
Sheepishly, I said “No”. Then came the big
question. “Why not?” I told them truth. I really love to write
for myself. I don't know if I am really that good that someone would
want to read what I wrote.
I wish I was good. I can't write
like George R.R. Martin, or J.R.R. Tolkien or J. K. Rowling.
Sigh,
I can only wish.
Anyway, I am not
very motivated on working on my novels.
And a person can see why.
I am still very much creeped out by the turn of events. He might have
wanted to make me smile and motivated me, but he could have went
about it a different way. So, I didn't get much done concerning my
novels.
I was freaking out about Christian guy's actions and the
Cowboy's request for next weekend. So I read most of my weekend
away.
Hey, I finished A Feast of Crows by George R. R. Martin in
12 days. All 1060 worth. It was good! I need to buy the next one,
so I can start it.
So, I am going to
try by Wednesday to finish up the summaries, outlines, scene cards
and characters for:
Vacant Bodies
Flight of Gaea
Rove of he Titans
Alpha Centauri one
(working title)
Alpha Centauri two
(working title)
Alpha Centauri
three (working title)
Splintered
Righteousness
Broken Illusions
Whispers of Truth
Lost Willow
Whispering Birch
Flowering Hawthorn
Lonesome Pine
Heart Scars
(working title)
Well, at least all
the summaries (at least 6 out of the 14 are done) and work out of the
characters as much as I can. That is my current goal at least for
these 14 novels. Especially Vacant Bodies, as I am going to write
that one for Camp NaNoWriMo July. All great achievements take small
steps and take time. So I have to motivate myself in small ways.
Hey,
maybe I will write another poem today.
See? Small steps
toward a bigger goal.
Motivation can be found in little things. And it can also shut it down as well.
Inhale. . . and relax.
