Motivation

June 11, 2013

It isn't easy when a person has no motivation to move forward. It is even harder when a person have no motivation to use the talents that he or she has. My heart hasn't been very motivated. I have been motivated to start the 30 day Squat challenge. Currently I am on day 7 and I did 80 squats. Boy, did I feel the burn this morning! I wrote a poem as well. It is a nice first after so many months. So I have been inspired and motivated a little bit. Sometimes a bit of motivation can be creepy. Really creepy. It is a weird little story, I might work into one of my novels. Maybe.

Anyway, Friday I came home from watching a movie. I watched “Now you see me” which was very, very inspiring. I loved it. I can't wait for it to come on DVD now. Well, I came home with a huge box on my deck. It was addressed to Emma, and from Ami. I spent an hour or so trying to find out where the box was suppose to go to. One neighbor suggested that I call the sheriff, but her daughter suggested that I put it in the trunk of my car, and wait for the Ami person to come and pick it up once she realized that it was in the wrong space. So that is what I did. And it wasn't until late at night, when I was half asleep, that my mind floated to one of my unfinished novels. My mind wanders like that. The Enchanted Key. I had a major character of about 14 years old named Emma. Actually it was Emmeretta, but she doesn't like her full name, so she goes by Emma. Then I remembered that Emma called her Grandmother “Ami”. A special thing is that Emma had an Ami and an Adda instead of a Grandmother and a Grandfather. So, I laid in bed, wondering. I knew that I had shared a tidbit of the Enchanted Key with only one person over a month ago. It was a Christian friend I had met over a month ago. And he didn't know where I lived. Creepy. He had been pestering me for a date, but my heart wasn't in it. I still want the Cowboy. I was happy with just having a friend. Anyway, I went to sleep thinking about it.

Here comes the creepy part.

When I woke up, I had 5 messages from Christian guy on my phone. And one of them was a quote from my own novel. So it wasn't Amy with an “I” but from Ami (pronounced Ahmi). I asked him if he knew where I lived. He didn't answer that. I asked him if he knew about the box that I had received yesterday. Of course, I never mentioned it to him, because I didn't think it was his business. He asked me if the item in the box was anything close to what I wrote about. I had wrote about a horse lamp on Ami's dresser. I told him I didn't open the box, because it wasn't for me. I thought it was for a person named Emma.

Creepy, because I never gave him my address. I found out that he took upon himself to look my address online with the information he DID have about me. Beyond creepy. SCARY. Anyway, I did go out to my trunk Saturday morning and looked in the box. It was an antique brass horse lamp with a clock and a lamp. He definitely took the time to think about this. And GET a horse lamp. Chills. It wasn't what I wrote about, because the brass horse lamp that I wrote about now sits on my Uncle's desk. It was some award he received as a child. I yelled at him so many times regarding violating my privacy and trust. I don't think it registered much. He didn't seem to understand why I was so upset. He only wanted to make me smile. GAH! He total creeped me out! I told him to ask his pastor, his sister and his friends if his actions were nothing but creepy.

So this antique brass horse lamp sits idly in the trunk of my car and has sucked out any motivation that I had on working on that novel for a while. A long while. I haven't spoke to him. I sent him a long email about how wrong he was. I don't know if he will see it as wrong. Funny thing, is that he just sent me a email, to tell me that his phone is dead. It got run over. I wonder if it is Karma at work. Ha ha ha. I told my neighbor on Saturday who the box was for. It was awkward to say “It was for me.” I had to explain about Emma and Ami. Her daughter asked me if I had published any of my novels. Sheepishly, I said “No”. Then came the big question. “Why not?” I told them truth. I really love to write for myself. I don't know if I am really that good that someone would want to read what I wrote. I wish I was good. I can't write like George R.R. Martin, or J.R.R. Tolkien or J. K. Rowling. Sigh, I can only wish.

Anyway, I am not very motivated on working on my novels. And a person can see why. I am still very much creeped out by the turn of events. He might have wanted to make me smile and motivated me, but he could have went about it a different way. So, I didn't get much done concerning my novels. I was freaking out about Christian guy's actions and the Cowboy's request for next weekend. So I read most of my weekend away. Hey, I finished A Feast of Crows by George R. R. Martin in 12 days. All 1060 worth. It was good! I need to buy the next one, so I can start it.

So, I am going to try by Wednesday to finish up the summaries, outlines, scene cards and characters for:

Vacant Bodies

Flight of Gaea
Rove of he Titans
Alpha Centauri one (working title)
Alpha Centauri two (working title)
Alpha Centauri three (working title)
Splintered Righteousness
Broken Illusions
Whispers of Truth
Lost Willow
Whispering Birch
Flowering Hawthorn
Lonesome Pine
Heart Scars (working title)


Well, at least all the summaries (at least 6 out of the 14 are done) and work out of the characters as much as I can. That is my current goal at least for these 14 novels. Especially Vacant Bodies, as I am going to write that one for Camp NaNoWriMo July. All great achievements take small steps and take time. So I have to motivate myself in small ways. Hey, maybe I will write another poem today.

See? Small steps toward a bigger goal.

 

Motivation can be found in little things. And it can also shut it down as well.

 

 

Inhale. . . and relax.

Inspiration

June 7, 2013

Leaves blowing in the wind. The sound of a truck going by. The rugged sidewalk outside a Courthouse. All beautiful things to me. Sounds, sights and smells all hold inspiration. For me it does. Memories do as well. Yesterday, I got an idea for my 44^th novel idea. I wrote some it down, as it was still kind of patchy. It was based on some memories I have with my best friend. I haven't spoke to her in over two years. She had an issue with me, and couldn't come to me about it. So we stopped talking. I think about her a lot. We have been friends for over 26 years and she has always been the odd opposite of me.

Anyway, I spend some down time last night between reading books, working out ideas for the tree novels. I spent a lot of time looking at Google Images, just triggering ideas and inspiration so I had something to brainstorm with. It isn't always easy trying to come up with a believable plot for a novel. Sometimes, I just have to write and allow it to fall together by itself. I just know that I have to get some of these ideas out of my head. They march around like little sailors wanting to go on shore leave. So many ideas.

It hurts sometimes to have so many ideas in my head. It sucks up all concentration and focus on other things I need to be doing. Like sitting at a stop light thinking about a battle scene. The car behind me is honking. Yep, I didn't notice it was green, because I was dreaming in a moment in time. So I have to make time to get things out, so I have more brain space and focus. I know it sounds so alien, but it works for me.

My stories need to be told. Well, more like demand to be told. Brian space, remember? Poems are not as bad as novels. They take up less space in my head.

I have thought about writing poetry again. I was reading some of my poems today. That is a bit inspiring for me. I always have something to write about. I haven't done much of it over the months. I wrote a really nice heartfelt one in January after the Cowboy dumped me, again. Writing again would mean, always have a little notebook or something to jot things down. Which can be very annoying a times, because poems don't come to me just when I am sitting down. I can't retain a poem in my head for long. I have tried, trust me. I don't know how many I have lost, because I don't have that stupid piece a paper to write it on. So most of the time, I just let them flow out and into nothingness. Forgotten because I had no paper. Somewhat tragic. Just maybe I will write some poetry in the near future.

I will be filling my weekend with lots of inspiration and ideas. If I am lucky and I don't get more depressed about the Cowboy. It is sad he has so much control over my heart. I hope to finish the one sentence summaries for the newest 4 novel ideas. The Just Trilogy already has the summaries down and the start of the characters. The tree novels and the newest novel idea, do not. Ugh, I hate writing when it seems more like work then fun. So I will be working on summaries, outlines, scene cards and characters this week. What fun. Yay! NOT. I hope to have that at least started. I need to write at least 2,000 today on any novel, so I can get prepped for Camp NaNoWriMo in July. It is better to start the daily count now, so it won't be so hard to reach that word count in July. Ugh!

So, I will just have to see how inspired I am. As inspiration is my motivator. At least it was in the past. Heartbreak is a horrible inspiration as well as motivator. This one is kind of killing me slowly. And I am struggling with both right now. Badly. I need inspiration. I need to focus on telling my story. No matter how horrible the tale might be.

At least it is something. Better then nothing.

Maybe. . .